The Give and Take of NYC
I started drafting this post on an Amtrak train from New York City to Philadelphia two weeks ago. I was traveling to have dinner with some dear childhood friends who had come in for the holidays and I rarely get to see. Early the next morning I went back to New York City because that evening I had a fundraiser in Harlem for a short film that I’m producing and directing in the new year. This frenetic pace has been typical lately. I’ve been painfully busy this year, which some of you may recall began with my decision to move to NYC.
There have been many moments since then when I’ve questioned that decision. Ha!
But seriously.
New York City is No Joke. There’s a reason why they say, “If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.” The City is not for the weak or the timid. It’s loud, dirty, indifferent, expensive, crowded, fast-paced, competitive, complicated to navigate, ugly at times, infuriating at times, and very challenging, especially if you’re a struggling artist.
And yet… it’s also a wonderful place to be an artist or creative person, primarily because it’s full of ENERGY. Yes, living here requires an enormous amount of energy, but it also gives a lot of energy. All of the things that make it challenging also make it… well, New York.
The city is also beautiful, full of art, architecture, history, culture, diversity, interesting people, creativity, romance, and inspiration. There’s every type of person here, every type of food, every type of culture. There are so many museums, libraries, book stores, random places, nooks, and crannies that will inspire. You walk down the street and hear five languages being spoken by people who live and work here, not just tourists.
It’s never boring. It’s full of contradictions. Strangers will yell at each other one day, and laugh with each other the next, walk by without making eye contact, then have lengthy conversations on the bus. Even though people here can be terribly indifferent (New Yorkers are known for minding their own business), there’s also a connection here between people that’s unlike anywhere else I’ve ever lived. There is a collective identity, despite all the differences and languages and cultures.
New York makes you want to do things, makes you want to strive and go after whatever it is you want. It makes you faster at detecting BS and toughens your skin. The motto “if it doesn’t kill you, it’ll make you stronger” is a real thing here.
There have been moments when I have cursed the city with frustration, and many others when I have walked its streets filled with a sense of wonder and discovery, even euphoria.
When I expressed this feeling to a friend recently, she said it was related to the myth of New York City. Maybe she’s right. But there’s a reason for that myth. There’s a real and palpable magic here that’s hard to describe. The city vibrates with energy and, because of this, can be both stimulating and overwhelming. The trick is, I think, to figure out how to not let that energy drain you more than it fills you.
As a writer, the people and scenarios and visuals and sounds here will never cease to fascinate me. Every day something catches my eye, or I hear something that makes me smile, gasp, shake my head, get emotional. I’ve had moments of connection with people in traffic, at the pet food store, on the sidewalk, on the bus, at the dog park, in restaurants, at movie theaters, you name it. I’ve seen things that made me wince, and heard things that made me cry, like the other day when a woman yelled a racial slur at some workers before disappearing back into her building.
But that’s New York. Harsh and in your face. Brutally, unapologetically authentic.
Not surprisingly, I have found it necessary to find some quiet, peace, and solitude on a fairly regular basis. When I lived in Los Angeles (a far less hectic city), I found these moments at the beach, on hikes, and at the desert (Joshua Tree was a favorite destination). In NYC, I also go to the beach and parks. The city has tons of pockets… spots that are quieter, greener, less populated, more relaxing. I’m still discovering them.
And I’m still making friends, which is perhaps the greatest challenge of all here… finding one’s tribe. In Los Angeles, I had the advantage of meeting folks through graduate school. In NY, so far, it’s been tough to meet people and make lasting connections. But I’m not worried. These things take time, and I’m still a newbie. Plus I do know people here, and (very importantly) I have family here. I am very, very lucky in this respect.
I still have a long way to go to learning the ins and outs of the city. But I’m so happy to be here. And when I leave for a little break, I’m always happy to get back.
There’s nothing like the feeling of driving back into the city, or taking that first taxi out of the airport after flying back from somewhere. The noise, the traffic, the driver’s inevitable accent, the grime, the views… are like a collective pulse. I’m not saying it’s for everyone. But for me, at least for right now, it makes me feel alive and motivated to get things done.
Here’s to another year here! And happy New Year to everyone. xo
Happy New Year! Lovely post. I couldn't be further from the NYC experience, although I too have family there. I'm living on a farm property an hour south of Dublin and early this morning in the frosty cold was reassuring my dog that the resident peacock wasn't a threat. Regardless, as a creative soul I fully agree that energy is the thing. I believe more and more in the power of the exchange, whether that's between you and another person or between you and the environment in which you find yourself. If one is in a position to perceive and sense and relate (and later interpret and create), one should really just focus on gratitude. All the other shit will force its way to the top of the list regardless.
Good luck with the ongoing adventure! Here's to a considerate and productive 2025.
Dara x
Missing you here in Catskill. I personally was never able to make art in the city, it felt too constrained, landscape-wise. Things shifted when I moved to the Hudson Valley and I became more open - and more creative. But then, the city is wonderful for many other things, especially meeting people. Happy 2025!