"I Don't Care" (A Mantra for Overcoming Fear)

Pierre, book cover [image: amazon.com, copyright Maurice Sendak, Harper Trophy]Are you familiar with the children's book PIERRE by Maurice Sendak? The story revolves around Pierre, a little boy whose answer to everything is "I don't care!"

"What would you like to eat?" "I don't care!" "Some lovely cream of wheat?" "I don't care!" Don't sit backwards on your chair." "I don't care!" "Or pour syrup on your hair." "I don't care!"

When Pierre's parents go out, leaving him alone, a lion shows up and threatens to eat him. Once again, Pierre responds with "I don't care!" So the lion swallows him whole. Pierre's parents return home to find him missing, and plead with the lion to give him back. The lion graciously returns Pierre, who now has a new, more grateful and caring attitude (the moral of the story).

Sendak's brilliant book (meant for 4-8 year olds) shows us how ennui, a particular sort of disinterest in self, life and loved ones is not only rude, but also dangerous. If we don't care about what or when we eat, whether we live or die, whether we see your parents again, whether to get up in the morning, or any of the other decisions we face on a daily basis, bad things will happen. The truth is, like Pierre, most of us actually do care. We just don't want to deal, and so we tell ourselves we don't care.

There's a different type of "I don't care", one which (I believe) can be highly effective in bulldozing through insecurities, fears, doubts and other emotional landmines on life's path. This mantra doesn't mean we don't care about our decisions or their consequences. It means we don't care what other people think about our decisions. More to the point, we don't allow ourselves to be affected by what others think of us.

Another way to say this mantra is "I don't give a f---."

Three examples of how/when it might be useful:

You go to a job interview looking, smelling and feeling good. When you arrive, you see half a dozen applicants waiting to interview for the same job, all ten years younger, wearing more expensive clothes, with straight hair and yours is curly. Take a moment, and say the mantra. Age is just a number. You have more experience. Expensive clothes does not necessarily equal better taste. Your hair will make you stand out (a good thing). Go back with your curly head held high and knock their socks off.

You're taking a class to learn something new or brush up on something old. Part of the course requires performing in front of peers. You let everyone else go first, and they all do great. Your turn arrives. Everyone turns to look at you. You freeze in anticipation of being booed and/or laughed at. Deep breath... then mantra. What does it matter what people think? Even if your peers were to laugh or boo (trust me, they won't), the fact is you're here for YOU, and the only way to learn is to put yourself out there. So, like the Nike slogan, just do it.

You're planning a major life change and slowly making progress towards that goal. When you share your plans with friends, they tell you to do X, Y, Z instead. Some of their ideas resonate, but some of them don't. You're afraid of disappointing folks. You know some will say "I told you so" if your plans fail. Some are probably discussing you right now. You know what? You don't care! Let them talk. It's not their life, it's yours. If they're real friends, they'll be there for you no matter what, and they won't gloat. If they're not there for you, or they do gloat, then f--- 'em.

Whatever it is we want, we should go after it. Believe in ourselves. Seek advice, and plan wisely. But remember: we know what we want and need, what our strengths and weaknesses are, better than anyone else. We don't need anyone's approval to be us. Fear, doubt, insecurities are part of being human. We don't need to let them stop us from achieving our goals and dreams.

Can you think of more examples where "I don't care" could be a good thing?